After a certain age, the nice guy act will start to get old. Shed the shy guy shell and face the dating world with the confidence of a real man!
I remember wondering endlessly if I was gay as a young boy.
Why? Because I consistently got the feedback from my male peers that I wasn’t a traditional male.
As my male friends played basketball to impress the girls in our class, I sat on the sidelines and ‘gossiped’ with my female classmates.
While my guy friends played rugby, I was in musicals.
While my guy friends wanted to get off the phone after 90 seconds of problem solving conversation, I would routinely spend hours at a time on the phone with my female friends.
And strangely enough, through all of my teen years through to mid-20’s being a sensitive and seemingly feminine guy, I had always had a girlfriend. It was cognitive dissonance of the highest degree. I thought to myself “I’m so NOT a manly man. How can girls still be interested in me romantically?”
While I have always been more sensitive and intuitive than most of my friends, it took me almost two decades to realize that being sensitive had nothing to do with femininity. And if it does by some people’s definitions of the word feminine for them, then hey, great… I’ll accept that too.
So what if, as a man, you decided on your own personal ideals of masculinity and you lived your life according to your values and not some regurgitated bullshit that you read off of a Buzzfeed article?
1. Define & Set Goals
As man without goals will achieve very little. So set goals and start hashing out what you really want to do. The one thing I’ll warn you against, though, is not setting specific enough goals. Wanting to be rich and famous is not a goal, it’s the result of a goal (of goals) achieved. Wanting to be more in-shape is not a goal, it’s too vague. So keep them specific.
Don’t know what goals you want to achieve? Put together a “Anti-Goal” list of things you’ve tried or thought about trying and absolutely don’t want to do. Then start whittling it down by way of deduction instead of addition.
2. Have A Plan Of Action
Figure out a way (probably many ways) to achieve whatever goal(s) you have and then break it down into actionable, bite-sized chunks. Then, and only then, can you take that motivation and start working on achieving your goals.
Standing at the foot of a mountain and not realizing that it’s going to take many, many smaller steps to get to the summit will do yourself a disservice and you’ll give up because you didn’t set a plan of action to get to the top.
Coincidentally, the more smaller steps you achieve, the more motivated it’ll make you. Movement begets more movement.
3. Stand Up For Those Who Are Weaker Or In A Lesser Position Than Yourself
A man who has the ability to build others up should always do so. This is the most powerful skill as a man that you have. I am not saying that you go out and waste all of your energy on charity, but I am saying that you always be a positive influence on those around you that can use it.
See someone who is upset? Ask them if they are ok and let them know that you are there for them.
Is someone getting bullied or unfairly blamed for something that you know is not his or her fault? Stand up for them and make it clear that behavior like that will not be tolerated, you do not have to explicitly state these words, just make it clear with your tone of voice and firmness.
4. Be Loyal To Your Friends
A real man is loyal to his own friends. That’s a given.
It sounds pretty basic, but many people actually forget how to be loyal as time, work, distance and commitments make for drifting apart as they let all of these become excuses to start treating each other less-than-great.
So always remember where you guys came from. There’s a reason why you all were once close.
5. Be On Time
Speaking of waiting, a real man, or actually, anybody with any kind of self-respect for that matter should know how to be on time.
It’s sad that somehow today, it’s accepted to be late.
I don’t care whether it’s an accepted habit among your friends. This is a common-sense practice that shows you respect the other party and time itself.
If you don’t respect any of those, you don’t respect yourself either. So don’t be ever be late. Only little boys are late all the time.
6. How To Talk To A Girl
To put it bluntly, when a guy doesn’t know how to talk to a girl, they start worrying about everything else and end up looking stupid.
This is when they ask, “If I add her on Facebook, will I look like a stalker?”
“If I like her picture on Instagram, will I look too desperate?”
“I hope she can smell my new cologne as I hover around the bar.”
And the problem is most guys think this is okay other guys are doing the same i.e. wait for her to make the move.
Love and romance may happen naturally like a natural force, but there’s no reason why you can’t take action anyway. Do it already guys. At least prevent the aforementioned embarrassing scenarios.
7. Set Aside Time For Review
Over the course of working to achieve your goals, you’ve got to ensure you understand how far you’ve come and celebrate the small victories. Without that, it’s easy to get frustrated and lose motivation.
Your goal(s) will take a while (almost always longer than you thought) to achieve, so you’ve got to set aside time celebrate these smaller wins the to give yourself the motivation to keep working to the ultimate goal.
I like to take the natural breaks of seasons/holidays to set aside time for reflection and reorienting. During the Easter holiday, 4th of July weekend and Thanksgiving weekend, I sit down, look at what I’ve done and first, be thankful for al that I’ve achieved and then decide if directions or mindsets need to be adjusted. It’s extremely helpful and refreshing and I can’t suggest it enough.
8. Express Your Sexuality And Do Not Be Ashamed Of It
A powerful man is undoubtedly a sexual man. Do not be ashamed of your sexuality or dominance as a man. If you are attracted to someone, make your intentions clearly known.
One of the things I see many men struggling with is that to often they do not wish to upset anyone. They do not want to step on anyone’s toes, especially women. They are so afraid of insulting a woman or coming off as creepy or disrespectful that they let fear cripple them from even introducing themselves.
One of the aspects of being a powerful man that you are going to have to accept, sooner or later, is that you are going to upset some people. Most people may love you, but there will always be those who disagree with how you behave, think, and what you believe in, and that is ok.
Stop doing this. You are a man, you decide who you talk to and how you portray yourself to the world. By being fearful and timid you exude anxiety and weakness. Be strong, bold, and more aggressive if you have this problem, you can always scale it back if you are being a bit overly aggressive.
You may upset a lot of women and people, but at least they will respect you. At least you are trying to make connections and express yourself sexually, not simply lingering.
9. Be Around People Who Inspire You
Being around motivated people is inspiring and it’ll absolutely rub off on you. So find a way to be around them – invite them out to coffee, give a call, schedule a recurring monthly lunch, join a co-working space, etc.
If that’s not possible, then you can try watching or listening to speeches of people you find inspiring. Just find a way to interact with inspiring and motivational people on a regular basis.
10. Deal With It
Feeling pain? Things not going your way? Having a bit of the cold? Tired?
Deal with it.
No more complaining, whining or wishing someone would pick you up.
You aren’t a little boy anymore.
Just. Deal. With. It.